A New Member to The Family!!!

She is now two months old!

I've been selfish with her I love her so much.

Her name is Sabrina and she likes to socialize she does this thing where she

talks back to you when you are talking to her. I love her we just cant get enough of her

she is spontaneous and funky.

Welcome Sabrina Dawkins!

Fun times to come.

So... I've decided that I want my blog to be more fun and exciting!
I want pictures of all my adventures from Ellis Island to Las Vegas,
its just a matter of time to get my actions together. I just moved so
I am a little unorganized other then that I AM ready, willing and waiting.
Give me a minute or two and you WILL SEE A NEW IMPROVED AND FUN BLOG!.

...more than i was willing to lose.

This is what is it
we loved and now
we've lost, lost more
than what I was
willing to lose.
I've found love in the
brown pupils of your eyes
I've gained more from the
past years that was once
shared it was real we both
felt at the time when there was
something to feel.
You've decided our faith
I had no say, I stood in the
distance praying that you would
not give our love away. It was decided...
no longer. I wept for hours, days, months
and years. A woman decides what she wants
I wanted you my heart loved you and the
knee slapper it still does and I still do.
What more can be mentioned that you and
your heart would not already know if you
once loved.....me.

It sucks yearning for financial security.

I am desperately, yearning for some financial security. I need a raise and badly, the thing is i owe more than i am making. I had two jobs and could make ends meet now because of the failing economy my second job scaled back. it was not based on choice because the honest truth is that there were no customers to make profit from parties and weddings were being cancelled faster than a hurricane. Now, i am in a position where i have no option than to make ends meet with what I am making at the moment which is nothing. I could go on and on but i know that everyone that will be reading this blog would agree and attest to their own financial yearnings. feel free to comment on this blog we'll see how far this will go. i know its just a vague blog that expresses financial frustration ( that's the point) so comment! lol.

so......

i am wondering how this blog thing works i cant seem to get a hold on it. another day in paradise and im sorry to say that i am still the same not much improvements i want to say tomorrow is another day but i am afraid that it will just end up being the same as the past days uneventful and unsuccessful again. its becoming a trend one that i am growing accustom to however, loath with every fiber in my being.

I was there to embrace something so....real?

I was there to embrace something so real. In my dreams that is I have this mad crush on this guy I like him a whole lot. We had a fling for about 5 months on and off mostly off because I voiced how much I wanted more. He is everything that I hoped for in a guy... well except for the natural athletic phisque that drives me insane!!!! Everything else was there smarts, confidence, and self assurance strength as I call it meaning he can be an asshole which is sexy and boldness which is sexier but with a heart which is sexiest. We went to the Univeristy of DE together he did well and graduated (I think) and I did horrible and now have to spend another year or more depending on if I get my shit together! Anyway, I enjoyed the only time that he would give me (sex) and then oneday I lost it all by sending him a text that went exactly like this : I miss you :). I know weird and he never responded to my text and a week went by and still nothing then a month went by and nothing I was alittle disgusted with myself after the text that I never sent him another one in the month and two weeks that went by. When he finally texted me it was to tell me that my text weirded him out because he thought that we were on the same page and we were just enjoying have sex with each other and the pillow talks that we have but nothing else really since he didnt live here ( he's originally from Jersey the armpit of America). I went on to tell him how I was mad at myself and weirded out myself by my text after I sent the text because I really didnt want more and that I was just bored that day ( obviously lieing my ass off because I wanted more and felt that I needed it). He seemed to believe me or pretended to because our sexacape resume after that a month later given us both time to cool down because heated words were exchanged between us in the text that we both sent that day. I was happy that he responded even though it was a month and two weeks later because I was getting pissed with no sight of getting over it in view and most of all because it showed that he was thinking about me still and that he really never forgot about me or the text because he repsonded to the exact text specifically not vaguely where I could have assumed otherwise. Well to wrap this novel up We had sex off and on...well mostly on for the next two months until I heard nothing of him after graduation day which is why I am assuming that he graduated and went home. And now to him I am just another girl that quenched his desires when he was in college and to me he is someone that was the image of what I always wanted in a man smarts, confidence, boldness and a heart. Oh, and why I said that he had a heart? Because in the house that he was renting with a couple of buddies of his a girl ( who I never really met but was madly jealous of because she lived with him and I never would have that pleasure and she did) had a hot tub in the backyard and on long days that I worked two jobs he always had the hot tub ready for me to relax in and get off my feet and he was always persistant about doing it even when I told him that it was not necessary.... he always said yes it is.

My first blog and I am excited!!! AND PISSED!!

I am excited about sharing my thoughts about my day to day ventures.
So, this morning a bitch called me at 8:05am from Applied Bank to tell me that the job they offered me two weeks ago was no longer on the table. Why you ask. Well the story goes back as far as July when I walked into the bank to fill out an application after I emailed the HR department my resume earlier that day the bank is located in the heart of Wilmington. I wanted to work at that location so I thought it best to fill the application out there. Okay, so I did (Oh, I am already employed but wanted a new scene ) and then boom a week later some bitch from their HR department hit me up and told me that they were looking for someone for their Newark branch 896 another city that was too far but wasnt you know what I mean. I live in Wilmington took classes in Stanton which was 10 minutes away from Wilmington while the Newark location was atleast 30mins away without traffic (imagine each day with traffic and that way was always cluttered with cars). Now, I turned them down and said no because it would be too much driving considering that everything I do is in Wilmington or close to Wilmington and with gas prices I wanted to stay within the perimeters of Wilmington. Well the next week they called me saying that a position opened in Wilmington and they wanted me. So, I accepted and then everything started they called me everyday with follow-ups after my interview they loved me and wanted me. Then a week later HR bitch called me saying that I had a deliquent account on my credit report I owe the Univeristy of DE $923.00. Which I do I am perfectly aware of that the problem is that I go to school fulltime and work parttime and with all my other expenses I failed to pay my debt to them not because I didnt want to but because I was unable to. My financial situation forced me to choose between paying the important things monthly or worry about the least important and my school debt fell under the least important( I am no longer with Uof DE I am at another school). Anyway I made a payment plan with the collection agency that my account was with to setup a payment plan. The HR whore confirm my arrangements and said okay we will move forward with the start date being August 25, 2008. And then I recieved the call this morning. WHAT THE HELL! What am I to do now that I put in my two weeks at my job and this friday is my last day there and I have no job to go to monday. For some reason I am not worried like I always say what is met to be will be! I dont really stress about things that I cannot change because I dont want to have early wrinkles or the facial features of a woman over 30! But I am pissed that they toyed with me like that those bastards knew what they were doing. Because the bitch was like "I was calling the number that is on your resume" and I responded why? you always called my cell instead of my home number which is the hardest number to reach me at and you know this. She just didnt want to call me where I would answer until she was forced to. And when I checked my caller ID her number was not on there only 15 calls and 10 of them being from last month. NO ONE CALLS ME ON THE HOUSE PHONE!