I was there to embrace something so....real?

I was there to embrace something so real. In my dreams that is I have this mad crush on this guy I like him a whole lot. We had a fling for about 5 months on and off mostly off because I voiced how much I wanted more. He is everything that I hoped for in a guy... well except for the natural athletic phisque that drives me insane!!!! Everything else was there smarts, confidence, and self assurance strength as I call it meaning he can be an asshole which is sexy and boldness which is sexier but with a heart which is sexiest. We went to the Univeristy of DE together he did well and graduated (I think) and I did horrible and now have to spend another year or more depending on if I get my shit together! Anyway, I enjoyed the only time that he would give me (sex) and then oneday I lost it all by sending him a text that went exactly like this : I miss you :). I know weird and he never responded to my text and a week went by and still nothing then a month went by and nothing I was alittle disgusted with myself after the text that I never sent him another one in the month and two weeks that went by. When he finally texted me it was to tell me that my text weirded him out because he thought that we were on the same page and we were just enjoying have sex with each other and the pillow talks that we have but nothing else really since he didnt live here ( he's originally from Jersey the armpit of America). I went on to tell him how I was mad at myself and weirded out myself by my text after I sent the text because I really didnt want more and that I was just bored that day ( obviously lieing my ass off because I wanted more and felt that I needed it). He seemed to believe me or pretended to because our sexacape resume after that a month later given us both time to cool down because heated words were exchanged between us in the text that we both sent that day. I was happy that he responded even though it was a month and two weeks later because I was getting pissed with no sight of getting over it in view and most of all because it showed that he was thinking about me still and that he really never forgot about me or the text because he repsonded to the exact text specifically not vaguely where I could have assumed otherwise. Well to wrap this novel up We had sex off and on...well mostly on for the next two months until I heard nothing of him after graduation day which is why I am assuming that he graduated and went home. And now to him I am just another girl that quenched his desires when he was in college and to me he is someone that was the image of what I always wanted in a man smarts, confidence, boldness and a heart. Oh, and why I said that he had a heart? Because in the house that he was renting with a couple of buddies of his a girl ( who I never really met but was madly jealous of because she lived with him and I never would have that pleasure and she did) had a hot tub in the backyard and on long days that I worked two jobs he always had the hot tub ready for me to relax in and get off my feet and he was always persistant about doing it even when I told him that it was not necessary.... he always said yes it is.